YOLO.

Spring Break.

Holy shit.. The things that happened last week. The things that happened YESTERDAY. I never imagined myself doing that, ever.

I hate myself. I don’t love myself. I can’t. I don’t know how to. I’ve spent my life tearing down everything about me. I’m constantly comparing myself to others. I pretend to embrace what I have. I pretend that I like being this short. I just want to grow 2 more inches. How I can embrace what I was born with? I never learned this part. I only knew how to give love to others. I never kept enough love for myself. You can’t expect me to accept your compliments when all I ever heard were that I was ugly or not pretty. When “ew” rolled out of people’s lips so easily. When people told whoever I was with at the time that “you could do so much better.” When I was constantly called fat. Sure, we were mere kids at the time. But that shit stung. It stayed with me all my life. It still haunts me. Then there are days when I actually feel pretty. And someone has to go and fucking put me down and insult how I look. When will this stop? When will I actually feel beautiful like everyone apparently says I am? How could anyone be cruel enough to make someone want to kill themselves? Yes, it got to the point where I contemplated suicide. So if THAT was what you all were aiming for, then congradufuckinglations. You got what you wanted. A lifetime of enjoyment for you and a lifetime of self loathing for me.

Productive?

The things I did today: